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The control freak in me is NOT happy

Posted by on January 8, 2018


There’s a verse in Romans (12:12) that says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  When I think about that verse, I know that I’m pretty good at one (faithful in prayer), somewhat adequate at one (joyful in hope), and really lousy at one (patient in affliction).   Since ‘the ladies’ (named Irma and Maria) blew through my island, I’ve been tested on all three, and I think God has probably been disappointed in my lack of overall achievement.  It isn’t that I’m not hopeful, but joy has been hard to muster.   It isn’t that I don’t pray, I do, but when I’m honest I know that my prayers can sometimes be bratty temper tirades because I haven’t gotten my way.  Patient is a whole different story. I don’t identify with the idea of a snail’s pace.  Waiting on anyone, and sadly that includes the Lord, is not something I naturally have the time or desire for.  I don’t like just sitting around. Oops.  It’s become clear to me that God intends for me to learn a bit about patience.

Waiting has become the norm for me right now.  I’m waiting for paperwork to be completed, waiting for the insurance company to get back to me, waiting for our wall to be completed (they are working on it!), waiting for our new doors to arrive (they’ve been delayed three times), waiting for a package containing my new internet hot spot that is stuck in the black hole that some people call the Puerto Rico post office. The control freak in me has had to admit that there is nothing I can do or say that will hurry any of these things along.  The control freak in me is NOT happy.  I catch myself being snarky: God, could you please give the people in Puerto Rice brains enough to sort and send my package? (See what I mean about bratty tirades?) Other times I just feel weary and overwhelmed. I know that all is well with my soul, but the rest of me is struggling.

So?  So, I’ve been reading I Samuel.  I love David.  He gets anointed King, but doesn’t take office for a long time.  In fact, he has to wait on the Lord and Saul. In addition, he has to put up with Saul chasing him and trying to kill him.  Do you suppose he ever felt weary and overwhelmed in his wait?  Do you ever think he got snarky in his prayers about Saul?  It makes me feel better to think that maybe he did.  What is important, though, is the story of what David actually did.  He didn’t just sit around waiting.  He went and fought Goliath, he got married, he lived his life each day.  That is a relief to me.  Waiting on the Lord (or the insurance company or the post office), doesn’t mean sitting around doing nothing.  Hmmm.  Okay. The control freak in me feels better with this realization.  I think I’ll post this now and work on a novel.  Then maybe I’ll go scrub the kitchen floor.  I feel better already!

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