Two judgements

At Bible study this last Wednesday we ended up talking about two judgement the Bible describes.  Two.  I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand all this well and I offer this disclaimer right up front – this is the Lord’s business and I am not even close to understanding His ways.  That said, as I understand this based on scripture and teaching, the first judgment will be that of believers and non-believers. This judgment is the harsh, final division.  “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.” (Acts 16:31)  Jesus said it best, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)  No works, no negotiation.  My faith and God’s grace.  That’s it.  Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell. Scary, but that’s the one I feel really safe with.  I love Jesus, and He is in me and with me.  Got it.  I’m saved.

The second judgement is a bit different.  2 Corinthians 5:10 describes this: For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (Jesus himself talked about it in Matthew 16:27). This judgement, apparently, is only for believers.  Presumably, if I’ve done good things with the life God gave me, I will be rewarded (crowns, gold stars…).  At the same time, I will have to take responsibility for the things that I did badly. Picturing this second judgement is difficult and perhaps frightening, and from some of what was said at Bible study, it seems that there are Christians who are fearful of the scene.

But as I’ve been thinking about it, I don’t think I am.  It’s not because I feel like I’ve done a good job living this life.  Quite the contrary, I think I have blown it more than I’ve gotten it right, I’ve wasted time and talents, I’ve acted badly, hurt people, and been a horrible witness.  Knowing how many bad choices I’ve made should make me tremble at the thought of standing in front of Jesus and having Him critique my life and dole out rewards and punishments. Except. The one thing I am confident about is Jesus’ character.  He is loving, He is just, and He has a great sense of humor.  I look at how he redeemed Peter with care and gentleness after Peter denied Him three times.  I look at how patient he was when He let Thomas stick his finger in His scars. His love for the adulterous woman, the woman at the well, the woman who touched the hem of His garment- theyall give me peace.  When I stand in front of Jesus and account for my life, He’ll be honest, and no doubt I will cry at all the ways I let Him down (I do that already!), but He will love me. I can’t help but think that He will go even farther. I’ll confess each wrong, and He will show me how He came behind me and turned my ugly into His beauty – in my life and in the lives of others. It will be a hard meeting, but one that ends understanding and joy.

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The Last Straw

I used to carry a backpack instead of a purse. I had a regular sized one for the weekdays and a small ‘fashionable’ one for weekends and evenings. They were easier to carry and held all the ‘stuff’ I needed – like chap stick and breath mints along with highlighters, pens, a screwdriver (one never knows!), extra sticky notes, usually a set or two of papers to grade, my plan book, a book to read, my MP3 player.  You get the idea. Now, because I am retired and because I don’t stray far from home (I can’t – the island is only 27 miles long and 7 miles wide!), I carry a small purse.  My purse usually holds only the most important items  – my wallet, sun screen, sun glasses, chap stick, my phone.  As of last week, my purse has a new permanent resident, a piece of equipment for my daily life that is an essential tool for life.

My metal straw.

 

What? Essential? I know that sounds silly, but I it isn’t.  You see, among all the strife and hardship this world has to offer, and on this island where recycling is only barely beginning, pot holes can swallow small cars, and many people still have tarps for roofs, one of the greatest threats to humanity and the environment has recently been identified.  Yes, of course I am talking about the dreaded plastic straw.  Health conscious pubs and bars and restaurants are no longer supplying straws, and the horrified looks one receives if one asks can chill to the bone even in the tropics.  You see, apparently, plastic straws end up by the gazillions in the sea somehow and present a terrible health risk to coral and turtles, therefore straws have fallen from favor. Now I have limited experience, but personally, I’ve never encountered a plastic straw at the beach or in the water.  Ever. I have seen the errant flop-flop, the occasional pair of swim trunks (How?), and lots of Styrofoam containers and beer bottles among the coral and fish, but never a straw.  Hmmm.  But I digress.  I like straws.  I use straws to slurp up smoothies and mojitos, water with lemon and margaritas. I don’t like drinking from a glass.  So, what’s a girl to do?

Well, you buy a metal straw and carry it around with you so that whenever the Caribbean spirit asserts itself and you find yourself sipping a cool thirst-quencher on an afternoon out with your husband and / or friends, you can whip it out and thoroughly relax and enjoy without hard looks or damage to the reefs.  Problem solved.  Sort of.  Now all I have to do is figure out how to keep the lint from the bottom of my purse out of it during transport…

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Do it. Period

You may have noticed that I haven’t been blogging very regularly lately. I have a confession to make. I’m not lazy, and I certainly haven’t stopped having opinions. Nope.  What happened is this: I began listening to the voices in our society and the really mean voice inside my head, and perhaps there was another little evil voice from powers originating somewhere other than this realm, I’m not sure, and I began to think that I have nothing to say of meaning and value. Then I started thinking, “No one likes what I write anyway, who am I kidding?” What began with being disheartened by a reprehensible political climate went full blown into an epic pity party and then slowly morphed into being convinced that my writing is unnecessary, irrelevant, unread. I decided that if I just quit blogging, and maybe even writing novels, no one would even notice.

Armed with this new resolve, I went to church on Sunday morning.  Uh oh.  What happened then is this: Our youth pastor, Pastor Marthious’ sermon was about boldly accomplishing the work that God intends for us to accomplish. (Just Do It!)   My new attitude didn’t like to hear this.  My new attitude had become discouragedly convinced that I didn’t have a purpose.  Now, Marthious was showing me scripture that demands I acknowledge the talent God gifted me with and pressuring me to get out there and DO IT.  (As explanation, yes, there were other people in the congregation, I wasn’t alone in the sanctuary, but I’m saying me because it felt like Marthious and God were, in fact, speaking personally to me.)

So.  Here’s this week’s blog, and in the morning, I’m back working on novel number four.  I’m rejecting the voices (from inside and outside) that try to stop me from obeying God’s call for me, and I’m going to continue to do what I’m supposed to.

Categories: Living on St Croix, Random thoughts on being me | 2 Comments

Cats and Deer

I love our mornings here on island, they start slowly. Since our house is tucked safely on the west side of a big hill, the actual sun doesn’t show itself to us until about 10 or so.  The result is that mornings seem to linger and relax.  Unfortunately, we don’t get to do the same.  We don’t lay around drinking tea and eating toast during that time.  No, those beautiful minutes between getting up and the moment the sun peeks over the hill are perfect for gardening and doing hard work outside, since it is cooler before the sun is hammering down on us.    For example, by eleven this morning, I’d weeded three big flower beds and fought a yucky infestation of some kind of caterpillar intent on eating my newly transplanted spider lilies.  Sometimes I’d rather be munching toast, but truly, the way my garden beds look right now, I’ve no complaints about how my day started.

Oh, yes, that is what I was going to blog about…how my day started this morning.  I got distracted.  Sorry.  The sky was a dusty pink when we woke up this morning, about 6:30 I think.  When Karl got out of bed, he glanced out the window and remarked that we had a deer in the yard.  I got up and joined him to watch a very young mule deer buck, the points of his antlers were just little nubs on his head, as he enjoyed our yard.  He was skittish and kept looking in one direction, though, and it took a minute or so to realize that our neighbor’s black and white cat was also in the yard, partially hidden behind a seagrape seeding I’ve been nurturing.   It was clear from our perspective that the deer was a little anxious about the cat, but also clearly curious.  As far at the kitty goes, he was calm – all except the little white point at the tip of his tail – which twitched continually.  The two stood for several minutes, just looking at each other from about a three-foot distance, then finally the cat stood and stretched while the deer lifted its head and then bounded away through the rain forest.

It was a simple encounter and I feel lucky to have watched it. Later, as I weeded the garden, my thoughts kept coming back to those two creatures, so different and holding such potential as enemies.  Then my thoughts strayed to the anger and hostilities our country is so full of between right and left, republican and democrat.  And I wish, I pray, that somehow we could figure out how to stop fighting like cats and dogs and figure out how to live together like this morning’s cat and deer.

Categories: America and American History, Living on St Croix, Random thoughts on being me | Leave a comment

We Need a Little Forgiveness

I’ve been thinking about forgiveness. I was raised in a Christian home and taught right from wrong with the Bible as the authority.  I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was quite young.  Even so, there were patches of time throughout my life during which I walked a little (ok a lot) farther away from God’s Truth and listened a little less (does covering my ears count as a little?) to His voice in my life. Certainly at those points, I made poor choices and took actions that I regret and am not proud of as a result. Sadly, even when I do listen carefully and diligently, seeking God’s leading in my life, I blow it sometimes and make equally, or maybe even more, poor choices that I also feel remorse for and am ashamed of.

That’s precisely why I’ve been thinking this week about forgiveness.  Jesus taught over and over that love and forgiveness should be our constant goal and the recipient of our energy.  It seems to me forgiveness has three aspects. One involves confession and repentance to God.  The second involves confession and seeking forgiveness from the one you wronged.  The last is figuring out how to forgive yourself.  For me, the first is the easiest.  It isn’t easy because I am seeking cheap grace. When I confess my sins to God I realize I am owning my bad choices to the Creator of the Universe.  Gulp. But, actually asking God’s forgiveness is easiest because I trust Him most.  I know His character, I know His willingness and loving desire to forgive me. (He wouldn’t have sent Jesus if He didn’t want me restored).

Going to the person I wronged, owning my actions and words, admitting I was wrong and asking for forgiveness, compassion and restoration is much harder.  It’s more difficult because the outcome is so unknown.  Will the person forgive me?  Will we get past this?  Then there’s the whole dilemma of dealing with wrongs that have laid there, unacknowledged and unspoken for years perhaps.  (Think something you did to your sister when you were ten, or mistakes you made when your now grown children were little.) Those are really tricky.  Jesus says you need to deal with those sins, too, (I’m thinking of Matthew 5:24 here.)  but the question is, do I need to deal with them just between myself and God, or do I really need to go to the person? If I did go to that person, would I reopen a wound that was healed and thereby make it new and real and cause hurt all over again?  The danger is real.  Matthew 5:24 says specifically says “if your brother has something against you”, what if you don’t know if he is holding on to that hurt or not? Do I want to confess to heal the relationship or to just make myself feel better?  Can confession take the form of making sure that I learn from my bad act and resolve to never treat another person the same way? This is certainly a slippery, mucky mess to sort through.

Part of figuring out how to sort through old sins against someone is wrapped up in my third aspect of forgiveness.  Forgiving myself.  For me, this one is the toughest. The Bible says that when we confess and repent, our sins are gone, vanished, washed away and nonexistent in the eyes of the Lord.  Why is it then, that I can’t seem to let some things go?  I hold them against myself. I remember that time I said wicked things to my sister, I’ve confessed to God and to her and been restored by both, yet… I remember the time I was unfair to my children, and wasn’t the mom that God and they needed me to be.  I’ve confessed those as well, yet…  the memories come back and so does the guilt.  I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve approached God for forgiveness of the exact same old sins.  He assures me those sins are gone (east from west, white as snow), yet I continue to need to bring them up, remember them, and confess them again.  Forgiving myself isn’t about God following through, He does.  It’s about me.  It’s about not allowing those memories and that self-recrimination effect my today.  On the days when old sins are crowding me, asking for my remorse and worse yet, for my shame and embarrassment, I need to remember Who has forgotten about it, and remind myself to just feel thankful.

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Leaving the Mainland

Did you miss me?  I haven’t blogged in a couple of weeks, we’ve been too busy enjoying our last few days on the mainland before we head home to St. Croix.  It’s always an interesting transition, we love being in Wyoming so it’s sad to be leaving while we are also ready to get home after several months of being away. Highlights of our trip certainly include all the friends and family we got to see, and of course, the five weeks we spent camping remotely in the Sierra Madres.  On top of that there are some other times we want to remember and celebrate, so we began a tradition last year of compiling a group of lists of our favorite mainland moments.  I thought you’d enjoy seeing a few of the items on that list:

  • Watching three of our five grands swimming and enjoying a lake on a picnic. And spending time with our daughters in Michigan.


  • Having deer almost every evening and morning hanging out near our camp.

  • Being surprised as a bull elk literally ran through our camp one evening.
  • Having the opportunity to share my very most favorite place in the world (Haggarty Creek and Bridger Peak) with our bonus daughter Amanda.

  • Having a fox explore our camp one morning.

  • Visiting Zollman Zoo in Rochester, Minnesota and the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota
  • Watching a meteor shower with dear friends Branda and Dave from the top of Battle Pass in the middle of the night.
  • Listening to three of my very favorite pastors speak in the same day at our church’s 100th anniversary celebration.
  • Sitting once again on the top of Bridger Peak.
  • Spending time with two of the most stellar people on this planet, Liz and Greg.
  • Seeing two huge bull moose as they lazed next to a creek – totally unconcerned by our presence or the clicks of our camera.

There are so many more precious memories of this summer.  Mostly, we are humbled and thankful that God has enabled us to live this pipe dream of ours…living part of the year in our fifth wheel as gypsies and the rest of the time as pirates in the Caribbean.

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Lyric lightness

I will readily admit that I misconstrue and misquote and garble the lyrics to songs on a regular basis.  Actually, I do so without remorse or an inclination to change the error of my ways. Hillary and Sam used to tease me about it. Karl corrects me. It doesn’t matter, if I’m not sure of the words, I happily make them up, and sometimes I even like my lyrics better than those the poet wrote.  I have chuckled at myself for mishearing lyrics.  In the Credence Clearwater song, “Bad Moon Rising”, I still hear and sing, “There’s a bathroom on the right” instead of “there’s a bad moon on the rise”.

Despite my own engrained history of bastardizing lyrics, Karl, who mostly hears lyrics correctly,  has revealed himself as the king of misheard lyrics and even though I discovered his commanding malapropism a couple of weeks ago, simply thinking of it causes belly laughs and mirthful tears.  Here’s the story:

When Karl and I fell in love with the Caribbean, one of our favorite songs became an old Beach Boys’ classic called Kokomo.  I’m sure you’ve heard it.   (“Aruba, Jamaica, oh I want to take ya Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama”) It’s a list of Caribbean places and an invitation to go “fall in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band.”  The song has sort of become one of our anthems, and we sing it together when it comes on.  So, imagine my confusion:  We were in the mountains, listening to tunes on the MP3 player blasting out of our camper speakers, enjoying the day.  We’d just finished listening to Kokomo, and in the quiet moments afterward, we had this conversation…

Karl began,  “In such a positive Caribbean  song, I’ve never understood why they have to insult Vermont.”

I just stared at him.  Sometimes my Venus and his Mars are not aligned.

Responding to my silence he added, “It just doesn’t seem right or like those lyrics belong.”

Now I needed clarification.  “What lyrics are those?”

“You know, the line that says “Martinique, Vermont’s a crappy state”. He sang it with feeling.

“Oh.  Wait.  What?”

Needless to say, after a period of time during which I laughed so hard I thought my stomach muscles would be permanently affected, I wiped away the tears and responded.  “Babe, that line is “Martinique, that Montserrat mystique”.

Now it was his turn to be dumbstruck.  “No, you are mistaken. It says Vermont’s a crappy state.”

Of course, it doesn’t matter that later I looked it up and confirmed that the lyrics say nothing about New England, those are the lyrics he hears.  And, now, of course, those are the lyrics we sing any and every time we hear that song.

Hail to the new king of misheard lyrics.  😊

 

Categories: Random thoughts on being me, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Reality Mirrors Fiction – for reals!

Sometimes reality mirrors fiction. I’m thinking of Jules Verne who invented cool contraptions in his novels written in the late 1800s that are now real.  Or, as in this week, my novel The Archer’s Perspective.  Let me explain. The Archer’s Perspective begins when the main character, her name is Piper, is riding her four-wheeler in the Sierra Madre Mountains of southern Wyoming and gets hit in the shoulder with an errant arrow.  She and her husband are forty miles from anywhere and she needs medical help.  In my story, she stays brave, and the sheriff’s department and a helicopter out of Rawlins are involved.

So now, the reality of my week just past:  we have been camping at the trailhead that leads to a wilderness area (the exact same place Piper was riding!).  It’s so beautiful here, calm and peaceful.  Riding the trails on our four-wheelers has been fun, and so has just sitting.  We’ve had an elk, lots of deer, and a fox walk right through our camp, the wind sighs peacefully above us through the trees, some of which are beginning to turn vivid yellow (also just like in Archer’s Perspective!).  We haven’t been totally isolated.  Twice friends have come up to spend time with us, and nearly every day someone we don’t know comes and parks nearby, waves hello then grabs a day pack and sets off into the woods for a hike. (This is a trailhead!)  Also added to our camping experience has been a large herd of sheep who are grazing nearby.  The sheep wagon is parked right next to us, though that isn’t where the herder stays, it’s only  the base camp for supplies. We’ve met and talked with the people who own the sheep when they come to bring supplies to the sheepherder, and we’ve met the herder himself.  His name is Oscar, he’s from Peru, and between my really malo Spanish and his limited English, we’ve gotten along famously.  Not that we see him or the sheep often, but just once in a while. The occasional chiming of the sheep bells has added to the fun of the trip.

So here’s when The Archer’s Perspective comes in…Several days ago, a sheriff’s truck drove up.  Karl’s mind raced for a minute, deciding if he’d done anything to occasion his visit, and was at once relieved and then alarmed to find out that the reason the sheriff had come calling is that Oscar had somehow found a signal with his cell phone from deep in the forest and called for help.  The connection was crackly and unclear, but the bottom line was that he’d been hurt and needed help.  The officer told Karl that an ambulance and helicopter were on their way, ETA  close to an hour.  Without hesitation, Karl did what Karl does.  He jumped on his four-wheeler and went in search of Oscar.

This is turning into a long story, so I will abbreviate it.  Since we’d been riding that road, we knew where Oscar’s camp was – over three and a half miles in on a tricky, rocky two-track, 4-wheel drive only road.  Karl decided to go there first, and thankfully, that is where he found Oscar. How Oscar’d gotten himself there from where he was hurt is beyond my imagining and my command of Spanish, but courage and fortitude gives us strength beyond what we’d expect.  Karl found him in his tent, suffering with the pain of several very broken ribs and a deep gash on his hand.  Rendering what first aid and encouragement he could, Karl kept an eye on Oscar, and stayed with him until reinforcements came.  Once the EMTs arrived, Karl went out to a nearby meadow to help guide the chopper in and also to secure and calm the horses who were in the area.  Soon, Oscar was tucked safely on board the chopper and then on his way to the hospital.

This story has a happy ending and it isn’t going to take another two hundred and some pages before you find out what it is (like my novel!).  Two evenings later, Oscar and the owner of the sheep dropped by so that he could get some necessities from the sheep wagon.  He looked a bit tired and pale, but seemed alright.  Or at least, as alright as you can be with mangled ribs and stitches in your hand. He’ll take a while to heal, but all’s well that ends well.

A postscript to the story is this:  the helicopter had some trouble finding the meadow where they needed to land and flew around these mountains at a low altitude for probably thirty minutes before locating the right meadow.  They flew right over the sheep, repeatedly.  Apparently, sheep do NOT like helicopters and they reacted by running in all sorts of directions.  So now, we have a couple new herders in the area who are working very long hours with their horses and dogs trying to gather the sheep together. We’ve had sheep all around us in small bands.  Be assured, Karl’s been doing his part!

Categories: Gypsy life, The Archer's Perspective | 2 Comments

35 years today!

 

 

 

The front of our wedding invitation started out “Today I marry my friend…”  That was thirty-five years ago today.  And yes, I did indeed marry my friend (though he’s much more than that!). In the ensuing years, we have refined that friendship (and the much more!) through many seasons of better and worse, richer and poorer, and sickness and health.  We’ve traveled many physical miles, (we’ve moved to California, back to Wyoming, and then to the Virgin Islands, a total of seven or eight addresses), plus when he was long-haul trucking he did over a million safe miles not to mention all the road trips and journeys we’ve enjoyed together.  Of course, we’ve also traveled more emotional and mental miles than that as the earth has hurled through space around the sun.  We’ve watched our three beautiful children grow into amazing adults and establish lives for themselves – first increasing their number to six as they’ve added spouses and then adding a total of five more ‘newbies’ to our family. We’ve started and ended careers (more than two!).  We put on a lot of hard miles on our bodies and hearts hanging out in hospital waiting rooms and ICU facilities and worrying about money and bills.  We’ve grimaced at grey hair and wrinkles, stiff joints and a few aches and pains, and we’ve laughed through joyous times of graduations and successes, warm skies and fair breezes.

I’m so thankful for these past thirty-five years, and I’m thankful that the passion, devotion, comfort and security of our marriage and our friendship has grown the way it has.  It hasn’t always been easy, but no refining process is. But what we have today is worth every moment of the past 12,783 days.  Happy anniversary, Karl!  I can’t wait to see what God has for us in the next 35!

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Fighting My Phone Addiction

 

When I was growing up, anytime the phone on the wall rang, everyone would scramble to answer it. Being the youngest of three, I didn’t often get calls, but even so I ran to try to get it first.   It didn’t matter if we were eating dinner, or watching TV or in the middle of a discussion, everything took a back seat to the trumpet call of our black rotary phone.  It taught us well.  It taught an entire civilization well, it seems.

Fast forward 50+ years.  Few homes are now equipped with phones or have one hanging on the wall. Rotary dials are only seen in the museum or on Antique Road Show segments on PBS.  But, we’ve stayed true to our roots, and the phone, now tiny, digital and living in our pockets, still reigns supreme.  I read recently (on my phone!) that the average teen spends 6-8 hours every day staring at some sort of screen.  Yikes!  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my phone.  I won’t say I love it, I’m constantly aware of how much time it can easily sap from my day, but at the same time, I do enjoy being able to check the weather, the news, spend a few minutes on Facebook to see what my friends are about for the day, and get and answer emails.  Sometimes I even get or make a voice call with it. The trouble is, I mostly think that I’m using my phone in controlled moderation, when in reality it’s the entity in control, not me.  Just like our black rotary, when my phone rings, I drop everything to answer it. It doesn’t stop there.  It doesn’t have to ring – just ding, or chime, or vibrate or some other catchy sound to indicate that something new has arrived, and I feel a need to look and see. (And even if it doesn’t make any noise for a while, I still feel the pull to just check…)  Often, the chime is a notification that someone I hardly know has posted something I truly don’t have any interest in.  It doesn’t matter.  Once I have my phone in my hand, well, I guess it won’t hurt to check email, weather, news, play a game, look at Pinterest, and peruse any other site I have connections with. Before I know it, I’ve spent an irrational amount of time focused on updates that are truly inconsequential at the expense of time better spent.  I can’t even count the number of times Karl and I have been chatting, my phone chirps, and I ignore or only half listen to him in favor of some Facebook post about someone’s hamster. I really hate that. I’m better than that.  Karl is much more important than that.

So, I am trying to reject and reprogram that behavior in myself. Right now, I am doing it ‘cold turkey’.  The reason this “Monday” blog is being posted later in the week Is because we’ve been camping in a spot that has absolutely no service.  Nothing.  Glorious.  My phone has been off and ignored now for nearly a week.  I feel so free! Instead of attending to my phone, I’ve been finding music in the wind in the trees, actually listening to my husband, watching squirrels and deer and hummingbirds.  Thinking my own thoughts. My time is my own.  I like it this way.

My goal will be to maintain my distance and retain my self-control when I’m back within a service area… I’ll keep you posted…:)

 

 

 

Categories: Gypsy life, Random thoughts on being me | Leave a comment