Being savvy about someone’s feelings and moderating behavior based on anticipating how someone will react can and usually is, in fact, a judicious act. I know a messy kitchen counter bugs my husband and I try to avoid leaving it cluttered when I can. I’m afraid of dogs and a friend of mine has three. When I go to her house, before she opens the door, she puts the dogs away. I have a conservative friend who has a very liberal sister. When they get together or chat on the phone, they (mostly) agree to honor each other by steering away from the most hot button issues between them. Prudence, kindness, and respect in action. Good choices.
Somehow, this social accommodation is currently on the decline.
Years ago, we had a lesbian couple as neighbors. I liked them both. They liked us. We spent time together – shared meals, visited each other’s homes, helped each other out when we could. For many years after we moved from that house, we exchanged Christmas cards. I counted them my friends, and I believe the sentiment was returned. In that relationship, I remained faithful to my beliefs, and I assume my neighbors weren’t much changed by my faith or my lifestyle choices, but because of mutual respect we could find common ground and enjoy the friendship.
That was years ago when tolerance and civility were much more in fashion.
Today differences are unallowable. It seems that differing opinions are unpalatable and even the inkling that someone might disagree requires evasion, not accommodation. Today, it is acceptable to avoid and even cancel someone because you refuse to hear them or give them an opportunity at being gracious. Or worse, acknowledge that a differing outlook is viable. Giving up a relationship because of differing outlooks is a tragedy. It is mean and hurtful, and it is detrimental to both the cancellee and the cancelor.
Detrimental? Yes. Refusing to embrace the act of respectful accommodation and the welcoming of other ideas and opinions – be that of one’s religion, or sexuality, party affiliation, or any other difference – hurts each individual and our society. Shunning and effectively silencing opposing voices and cancelling any threat of hearing those voices robs everyone of the chance to grow because it takes away the ability to hear and consider a differing opinion. Respect is sacrificed. Growth is stunted. To shut out or shut up other than homogeneous voices creates narrow, judgmental minds.
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